How to prepare your language-delayed child for daycare or school?
If you think or know your child has delays with language and social skills, it can feel especially difficult to get ready for a big transition like Kindergarten—or even something as simple as an activity drop-off. The months and weeks leading up to change can bring a lot of questions: Are teachers and staff going to understand my child’s needs? Will my little one be accepted and respected in this new environment? What if they can’t speak up if other kids are mean?
These questions can pop into any parent’s mind before transitioning kids to a new environment, but for those of us with a child that can’t yet communicate, the worry can feel even more intense. And, questions and anxiety can linger, especially if our children can’t tell us about their day. I experienced these emotions first-hand with my son many times. He’s now starting grade one, and I still feel unprepared for the change. But looking back, I think it was much harder when he first was going to preschool.
The first thing I’m going to tell you is something you already know—but I’ll say it one more time for good measure: Your little one is going to be fine because they have you to look out for them. If you’re reading this, it means you’re already thinking about how to prepare them for the transition, and that is the most important step forward.
And here’s the second thing I’ll tell you: you and your child will meet loving, caring and kind people along the way—and they will make you believe in humanity. Teachers, caregivers and support staff have chosen what they do because they care about the well-being of the children that they work with. They also want your little one to thrive and will do their very best to support them.
It’s also helpful to remember that speech and language delay is common in these early years. This affects one in ten children, so the odds are that the teachers and staff you encounter have experience with it. Many schools and programs even have protocols and procedures in place already. But, it’s only natural to wonder: How can you set your child up for success as they start a new program, daycare or school? I’ll tell you about my own experience—and share a list of strategies that can help your child prepare for daycare, kindergarten or grade school.
1. Find out what a school or program expects from your child
When it comes to your little one, you are the expert. You know what environment works best for them. Find out what the expectations are at a new school, daycare or program ahead of time, and if it doesn’t seem like a good fit for your child’s needs, you want to communicate with teachers or staff early. Do they expect children to go to the bathroom independently? Do they have structured activities in place or do they expect children to freely explore their interests and options? These are some of the questions that will help you find the best fit for your little one.
When I first started looking for daycare options for my son, I had a bunch of ideas and assumptions in mind that didn’t necessarily match my son’s needs at the time. I was initially taking references and advice from parents that had children without a speech delay. I was excited about the academic curricula, the quality of the teachers and jam-packed days with lots of activities for children to explore. But as soon as I asked about additional resources, I got vague answers that showed me they didn’t have experience with what I was asking for.
I realized that, although lots of these places sounded impressive on paper, they didn’t have the support system that I knew my son needed. At that point, I had to go back and re-think my search criteria based on what his needs were—and what resources he needed from a new environment to succeed. Once I got clarity on that, it was easier to find the right fit.
2. Share your child’s strengths, interests and needs with the staff
The best advice I ever received was to create a one-page introduction that described my son. Although it was a few simple words and sentences, it was very effective for preparing his future teachers, caregivers and daycares before he started. Here’s my example below, but yours can include any tips or facts that you want staff to know. What gets your little one excited? How do they interact with other kids and adults? What makes them feel seen and understood? Sharing these insights can make the transition smoother for everyone—and can help put your mind at ease as well.
This is what I shared with the school principal and special Ed teacher before my son started Kindergarten. The information can be adjusted based on your needs but I’d suggest keeping it short to a page.
3. Introduce your little one to the new environment slowly
Another helpful strategy was to introduce my son to new environments before the transition begins. When he was going to daycare, we started with one-hour play sessions and then slowly increased it. I went with him for the first few days and slowly moved to the background—and then eventually dropped him off for the whole day when he was comfortable.
This might be difficult to do when you have commitments like work or other children, but even a quick visit to the location of the daycare or activity leading up to the first day can help prepare your little one. If your child is starting at a new school, you might be able to arrange to tour the building and show them around. And, when you talk about what they’ll be doing, showing excitement can help them look forward to the change.
4. Remember that transitions take time
Even with all the planning in the world, the first few days may not go as you imagined. You and your little one are navigating a big change, which almost always comes with a few bumps along the way. Your child may get emotional or cry when you drop them off and pick them up. You might get calls about accidents or meltdowns. It’s hard to anticipate everything, and it might leave you wondering: if this is what it’s like now, how are we going to get through the next month, year and decade? This stuff is hard. There will be challenging moments—but it will get easier as you learn how your child is adapting.
And, you can always make adjustments and add new resources as needed. I remember feeling apologetic when asking for special accommodations or things outside the regular routine. If I could give my past self advice, I would tell her to feel the opposite. By giving the new staff and caregivers information about your child, you’re making their job easier. You’re helping them build a new relationship with a great foundation that relies on communication and trust. Think about this as an opportunity to educate them about your child’s needs rather than asking them for favors.
I know this is easier said than done, but try not to let the bad days discourage you. You’re sending your child out to the world because you want them to learn new skills and gain independence.
5. Focus on one or two goals at a time
From the moment you drop your little one off for the first time until they “graduate” from the program, there are hundreds of skills and milestones you may be working on. It could be teaching them to ask for help or playing independently with their peers. The key is to pick a few goals that you think are important for your child and get everyone aligned to achieve that goal. I remember when my son started Junior Kindergarten. I was anxious about the literacy skills and we would spend so much time at the end of the night practicing his gripping skills so he could hold the pencil the right way and making sure he didn’t forget the period at the end of a sentence.
This is all while he was having difficulty looking at others when they were talking to him, and as a result, he wasn’t able to follow the directions. The time we spent exercising academic skills was usually at the end of the day when he was tired and not interested in doing anything that wasn’t fun. After speaking to his teacher, we agreed that academic skills were less critical than the foundational skills like eye contact, joint attention and following instructions.
I’m sure you know deep down what is important for your child. Focusing on those fundamental skills can be hard, especially when you might feel like your child is “falling behind” on what the other kids are doing. But, I can tell you from my experience, and from speaking to hundreds of other parents, that those foundational skills will help your child to have a good time in the new environment and open their mind to learning new things and developing new relationships.
If your child is under three and you’re looking for fun, easy ideas that can help you reach your goals, Babbly has a library of over 300 activities created by speech-language pathologists and physicians. Taking just ten minutes a day can help new skill development—with proven results after three months. Explore our library, and when any of our activities are working for you and your child, you can share them with the caregivers that work with your little one and see if they’re open to incorporating them throughout the day.
6. Celebrate the little wins
I’ve been there! Comparing our child to others, hearing the list of milestones they should be reaching by now, the extra pressure from family and friends… it’s exhausting!
But here is the truth: Your child may have difficulty with communication, but they have other strengths and they’re learning new skills at their own pace. Speech and language development is a long journey for many, and focusing on the small wins will make it fun and rewarding.
The wins can be as small as your little one looking back at you for the first time when you drop them off, or sitting through and listening during story time. I remember having ice cream for dinner almost every night the first week my son went to preschool. I’m not sure what exactly we were celebrating, but it was the only way I could get him to sit down and give me clues about his day. You can even ask daycare or school staff to tell you about the small wins. It’s important to know what the challenges are during the day—but ask them to communicate both the challenges and the wins.
I’m still learning to prepare myself and my son for future transitions and I know there are many ways to make progress. If you have any resources that have helped you and your child, I’d love to hear them. Add a comment below, or reach out to me directly.
This post is written by Maryam Nabavi, Mom to a 6yr old boy and & CEO of Babbly, a language development tracking and support app.